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If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours.
If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed.
I've had a Canon printer for years.
People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones...
They should use them to build proper houses.
A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.
he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented sex." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."
What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?
Hobbitat for Humanity
The world's leading scientists build a lie-detecting machine...
...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.
They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I think—" and drops dead.
The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?
The Physics major asks: How does it work?
The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?
The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?
So I was at Legoland the other day and I saw a couple making out
I thought it was inappropiate so walked up to them and said "Come on guys, this is Legoland. Build a room."
What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?
You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
Engineers
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
I bought a book on how to build stairs
Its a step by step guide
You can explore build edifice reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean build empire state building dad jokes. There are also build puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Just one.
How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?
The United States has such bad luck
It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.
She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.
You know what they say about people with an architecture fetish?
If you build it, they will come.
A Politician wanted to build a bridge
A Politician wanted to build a bridge.
So, he calls 3 engineeering firms. One is Chinese, other is American and the last one is Brazillian.
The politician calls the heads of all the 3 firms to his office.
He asks the Chinese head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "3 Million Dollar. 1 Million for the workers, 1 Million for materials, 1 million for the profit."
The Politician asks the American head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "6 Million Dollars. 2 Million for the workers, 2 Million for materials, 2 million for the profit."
Finally, the Politician asks the Brazillian head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He replies, "9 Million Dollars."
Suprised, the Politician asks him, "Why? Why so much?"
To which he replies, "3 Million for me, 3 Million for you, and 3 Million for the Chinese guy to build the bridge."
My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?
To get to the other side.
My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
How long does it take a Mexican to build a....
And he's done.
Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
It takes too long to hollow out her head.
(I got this one from my uncle)
What do you call a dead body and two planks?
A "Build your own Jesus" kit.
How many Mexicans does it take to build a...
Never mind, they're already done, and they paid for it too.
Who build King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference
Who says building a border wall won't work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
A man and his wife built a boat...
They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.
They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.
"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."
(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?
Cuz everyone was dying to get in.
There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all stupid. We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
What do snakes use to build clocks?
Metal Gears
Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.
Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
I don't understand why ...
I don't understand why Mexicans are so upset that Trump is going to build a wall.
They should just get over it.
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
What are they going to use to build the wall?
The bricks that were shat by people when Trump became president.
I tried teaching my mom how to build a PC
But all it did was make my motherboard
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
I'm building a brothel for lesbians.
No studs in the building, it's all tongue and groove.
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.
you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.
Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former refugee from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a refugee!"
They should build the wall with Hillary's emails
Because nobody can get over them.
How does a penguin build his home?
Igloos it together.
Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night
set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
Whats the difference between engineering and religion?
Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.
Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?
They're working together to build the perfect password
They should build the wall out of Hillary
People clearly can't get over her.
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day...
SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.
He said, Eh. I'll get over it.
Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.
They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.
We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
I know now why Trump wants to build a wall
It's been years since he managed to erect anything
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon
The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
Friday afternoon I'm walking home from school
and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.
Build a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day.
Set a man on fire, you'll warm him for the rest of his life.
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of vodka and the two fellas back!"
Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying . . .
"If you build it, they will come."
me: I'm going to build a time machine
**her *[eating the last donut]*:** what you gonna use it for?
**me *[eating the last donut]*:** righting wrongs
One day a teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building material for his home.
She read, . . . And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may i have some of that straw to build a house?'
The teacher paused, then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he said, 'HOLY SHIT! A TALKING PIG!?!'
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To build up it's pecs.
(apologies in advance. I made this up).
build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night…
set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are asked to design a fence.
The fence is required to contain as much land as possible for the least amount of fence material.
The engineer says "easy, just make a circular fence"
The physicist says, "wait a second! If you build the fence across the equator you'll have an even higher area/fence ratio!"
The mathematician says "amateurs!". He gets up and builds a tiny fence around his feet and proclaims "I declare myself to be on the outside."
A divine mathematical story
After creating the world, the Lord looked at it and he said to the animals "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, please forgive us, we cannot do as you command, for we are adders".
The Lord turned to the trees and said "Fall over and build furniture from your trunk, because adders can multiply with the aid of log tables".
Words of the Lord of math.
We hired some builders to build us a house, when paying we were concerned because we couldn't see anything about a roof...
After bringing it up with the builders they said "don't worry it's on the house"
An ancient Egyptian architect once asked, Do you know how to build a pyramid?
Well, uh yeah, up to a point, replied the Ancient Egyptian builder
(Believe it or not my toddler just told me that joke. I'm so proud)
Sad day, lost a fight in court to build a house on my land
I'm not dwelling on it
Why did the ancient philosopher build 2 spots to park his boat?
We'll never know, it's a paradox.
build a man a fire he is warm for a day
Set a man on fire he is warm for the rest of his life
Source: https://jokojokes.com/build-jokes.html
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